Does a Pity Smile Count?

So, there's self-pity. It happens.  Mainly cause shit happens. We feel it's happening to us, and that life is out of our control.  Life is how we view it based on how we react. But, not feeling so strong today my usual oh, it's all going to be fabulous! You know it.  It's the only way that it can be.  You are making it happen.  Good girl. Good girl... and so on didn't kick in today when I went to get my car inspected only to find out that I'd have to spend yet another five hun and something or else, oh, I don't know, the wheels would fall off.  Is it really all that important?  How bad could it be?  Wheels could fall off and I could then just bump off to the side of the road all confused but unharmed, right?

Then I got to thinking about how I'm working these sales, got a bunch on the burner, the boiling point imminent,  yet still...I became a complete failure when I clearly saw the future and the money I needed to spend as soon as I made it when I need it for other stuff like oh, food and such.  Anyways, so there I was in an alley - not like that.  In my car, in the alley, a nice alley with bushes and stuff, with my radio going, crying.  Just deciding to let her rip.  A lady passes by, I think of ducking but don't, I'm going to let my tears shine just like my smiles do when what do I get? Uh huh.  A pity smile! The lady crossing in front of my car with the stretchy lime green pants gave me a pity smile.  And, you know what, it make me fucking sadder.

Now, being all Smile Vancouver and stuff I have to somehow see the upside of my situation, right?  Right.  So, after many hours of well deserved self-pity I thought that money is nothing but how I value it.  There is a need and I will survive.  I'll better than survive but for now, I have to just take the bad and really, really enjoy the good.  Like right now, sitting outside, glass of wine, kids playing or fighting - hard to tell sometimes, my pally is cooking up a feast, and Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year) is tomorrow night, and things aren't so bad. Bring on the shift.

I am so excited for this coming year cause things can only go up. It is the way they must go. Man, they are going to soar ever so high.  Money is merely borrowed while we're here on earth so I'm going to continue to focus on my spirit and know that happiness is derived from my spirit truly finding the good, even if it's the teeny tiniest of good in all situations.  Such as, if I don't fix those wheels I could be speeding as I tend to do being a Montrealer and all and then maybe crash and not be able to walk or something.    Ahhhh... there we go, all better.  I'll just get it fixed and not even pay for it - that's what credit is for.  Much much better. I'm smiling on the inside now.