Flash Mob = Flash Smile

 

Although I have a few less than merry encounters to recount I will start off with something positive.  Saturday I was fortunate enough to catch the Flash mob - Thriller dance event at the Roundhouse here in Vancouver.  Well, I show up and cannot believe my eyes - a mob of zombies limbering up to dance to MJ's "Thriller", and well, not to be redundant - it was thrilling.  Exclaiming, "wow, amazing... can't believe this!" I did manage to attract a few smiles of glee and for a few moments, with rain pelting our faces, Vancouver's people came together in the name of fun.  It was refreshing and chilling, all at once.  I loved it.

But, of course, in my efforts to battle my demons I do have a not so pretty tale to tell.   Today, when walking the Bogiemeister, and letting him off leash for a few moments in a small park, a lady with a Doberman, yelled, "hey, get your dog!  Leash your dog!  This is a lead only park!" to which I couldn't help but reply, "Oh, thanks for telling me what to do.  Thanks for teaching me." And with a frustrated exclamation exclaimed, "I so love the people of Vancouver!"  Another enemy made.  But, let me say this, on multiple occasions, in this very same park,  I've enjoyed watching my boy canoodling a bunch of other dogs who were, yes, off leash!  It's all just so confusing.  How can I be a good little resident with such fickle rules?

I have to look at myself though and know that I am attracting what I most need to learn - to overcome.  Must figure out how not to react when confronted in such a punitive manner - but it's not easy. One benefit is that my blood was boiling, thus I was warm.  On a cool, blistery day I was warmed by my own fury.  Maybe that's the answer to conquering Vancouver's chilly winter - just keep on reacting with hot blood so that I become hot blooded and well, not cold.  Ironic really. 

Grumpcouver

Grumpcouver, huh? Not nice.  I know.  And, the worst part is that I know I see what I believe and am obsessing about.  I am creating it by focusing on it.  Yet still, yet still - I am seeing it!  So, there must be a germ of truth in the fact that Vancouver's people are slow to smile.  Who knows how often they really do smile. Everyone's like an old wo/man looking for the whippersnappers to make a mistake so that they can lace into them.  Approaching a couple in a beautiful pond setting I saw the head shaking as I was about to pass so just had to say, "I know, I've done something wrong.  You're going to tell me something I did wrong, right?"  And sure enough, Bogie was standing on a beaver dam.  I called the boy and told her I wasn't from here - just visiting.  Felt like lying I guess.

Anyways, stopping to commiserate with a wonderful couple on another trail, with our dogs running around like nuts together, we broached my favorite topic and they, having just returned from The Northwest Territories said that they just didn't get it either.  But, there we were, having a fantastic back and forth - so whose to say, right?  But, we thought we'd say, and what we said was that maybe people were just a little disgruntled here because a) the rain - obvious, but also b) the cost of living here -as in, impossible to buy in Vancouver if you can't afford half a mill for a home. Well, it could be the whole, no matter what I do or how I believe in manifesting destiny, I can't seem to get the image of all these really wealthy people owning all the property out of mind.  The rest of us will be just shining their shoes, or living in their homes, paying way too much, and hence never getting our own free standing home.  It's disconcerting but not impossible to overcome.

So, the turnaround.  Who the heck cares if you own a home in this lifetime because you never really own anything - it's all illusion.  We like to think that by holding these pieces of paper and then exchanging them for goods we'll be happy and I'm here to say that - shit, it's true.  It can make you happy.  Okay, so I will just manifest - believe in my impending wealth in all areas of my life, and forget about people with broigus expressions on their faces.  Yes, I'll just plug away and smile inwardly - at myself, who apparently really needs these smiles cause I'm certainly not going to receive them as often as I wish out on the streets.  Like the man in a cul-de-sac in Yaletown, where I was on the phone to figure out where my friends were, who pulled up beside me to yell, on top of his lungs, " GET OFF YOUR FUCKING PHONE! GET OFF YOUR PHONE! YOU ARE A REALLY STUPID HUMAN BEING!"  and more.  Hmmm... the fire was rising in my chest and is still kinda there since I'm writing about it now but I just sneered, "Nice man, nice human being - thank you, you wonderful person!"  Honestly, if'n I had a shotgun I woulda blown that guys stupid blue tooth PHONE earbud off his ear  - and I would liked it. Another person telling me what to do! 

It's like the universe is laughing cause I've always hated authority, so now I have the entire world tsk'ing and finger wagging and YELLING to tell me what to do!  Okay!  I get it!  I will just work humbly without expectation and find happiness in the tiniest of moments.  Okay.  Enough with these people.  Let them come to me!  A little test.  Chugga chugga chugga blah blah on I go.  Getting shit done.  Paving my way.   Smiling for myself - at the very least. I certainly hope I appreciate it.

I REMEMBER

I remember the echo of my footfalls in strangers' carports as I ran home from ballet class in Montreal's frozen winter

I remember perfect days on my white ten speed where I wanted for nothing

I remember the bubbling sensation in my chest while sitting on my parents’ bed when things seemed to be going so well for us

I remember finding marijuana in my dad’s gym bag and feeling personally insulted and older and wiser than him

I remember canoe trips where I complained and whined but loved every minute of it

I remember the sound of the vacuum banging my door to awaken me out of my perfect teenage slumber

I remember biting down on my hand to draw blood to show my mum how incensed I was with her

I remember feeling a sort of uneasiness when my mom would force my dad to kiss her

I remember being petrified that my parents would split up

I remember wondering why in the world my parents got married

I remember hearing about my mother’s pregnancy at nineteen and consequent marriage to my dad

I remember loving being alone

 

The Challenge HI

It's getting to the point where I'm totally over analyzing this whole smiling and friendliness thing.  Now, keep in mind, I'm walking for at least an hour daily with The Bogart, so I pass people, and often!  Because I've got this whole make Vancouver friendlier mission, I am looking at approaching traffic as opportunities and when they don't match up to my grand goal I get a little pissed.  Even been pshhhhing when someone really ignores me - which happens a lot.  So, I think I've got the challenge "hi" thing going now on the defense cause I'm starting to take this whole eye diversion thing personally, or real personal like my peeps in the South would say.  Now I've got the whole "come on, I dare ya, I dare ya to smile!  Come on MF'er " kinda mug on my face.  Not working.  You know what?  I'm a friggin' hypocrite.

My current analysis has yielded some results:  Vancouverites are punitive.  They search for the bad, or rather the mistakes, in people and they adore pointing it out.  Follow the rules, follow the rules like a bunch of bike riding, Patagonia wearing Oompa Loompas.  But these ones really take charge and when you don't stop for an ambulance, or you do but it already passed so no sense just sitting there staring in awe so you go around the dumbfounded drivers and they get pissed.  So very much finger wagging, head shaking, I say - chiropractors must make a killing here.  Or, the ones in eighteen wheelers who may just honk at you scaring the beJesus (or, the Begrilledcheesus [if you watch Glee]) outta you and when you jump and turn they're ol' diget's a waggin' and you cannot believe these strangers keep on telling you what to do.  And then it hits you!  Or me, as it were,  I am just like them!  I deem my smile campaign as righteous so it's okay to tell strangers what to do.  All the same it is still trying to control people and teach them what I believe is the right way to behave in public.  Who am I?  And what is this whole thing doing to me?

By trying to get everyone to smile and then getting all pissed when they don't I am being a punitive friendship ambassador! That just doesn't fly.  But, now that it's in my head, how do I get rid of it?  The real reason for this blog is to become truly happy here even if tons of people don't seem to be.  I keep telling myself that I know nothing about anybody - what kind of life they've led, whether within a millisecond they could break out into a beautiful smile.  I don't know that.  But, you see I'm a smilophile, I love those goofy teeth baring things.  They are infectious and they are very, very happy and they just warm everything up.  I know it's climate related, but I'm just wishing for more of those smiles.  They're so much fun.

Okay, so it's cold here, but lately stunning, but eventually cold and wet.  People hunker, batten down the hatches, and get from point A to point B - no messin' around.  But when it's good, and there's a moment, a tiny opportunity then just do it:  connect and warm the air. In Florida smiles were passed around like cheap wine at a Slovakian wedding and it was just as much fun.  Warm weather - warm smiles, Cold weather - few smiles.  But can't we work on this?  Am I fighting a losing battle.  Should I just join 'em?

I must confess:  sometimes, I too, don't feel like offering a smile.  Guess that's all right sometimes.  Okay, that said, I could then say that I don't want someone trying to make me smile - that that would piss me off or something. But you know what?  It so wouldn't.  No matter what, I am up for the smile and have one at the ready for the ones living their very own smile mission.  I will give any challenge HI that comes my way a very special smile - pearly whites a blazin'.   May we grow in numbers.

Am I One of Them?

Since arriving back to Vancouver in June I've worked and worked and cast out net upon net and now, after four months, I'm beginning to see the fruits, or fish, of my labor.  There is a light - as there always was, but now it is more tenable.  But, along with the wins comes this never ending desire for more, More, MORE! 

So, I find myself moving from one destination to the next, brows furrowed in thought, strategizing my next moves, pumped up.  And guess what's happening? I'm turning away from oncoming pedestrians so as not to have to try to engage,  or to avoid the possible disappointment at their lack of engagement.  I too am becoming a Vancouverite just like them.  Because the smiles don't always come so easy, it always takes a bit of work.  Work that is a tad uncomfortable.  Sometimes I don't feel like being uncomfortable - so, I opt out.

But, as the smile ambassador, I was analyzing my recent shift when a woman approached in a black hoody.  The drizzles were hunching us into ourselves while we passed each other by.  But, lo and behold - this woman looked at me and smiled shyly as if it say, "even under this hoody, a smile can lurk."  I mirrored her smile and felt just a bit more happy. Even peaceful.

So, this is to the lady who helped me today by letting me know that I must keep being in the moment, casting my gaze on my fellow Vancouverites, and producing my own easy smile to help theirs come to the surface.  Oh Vancouver, we'll get there.