Smile at Yourself - For Reals

I'm still walking the streets of Vancouver noticing what I am noticing.  How come I'm always witnessing the unfriendliness, the averted eyes, the scowls?  Other people claim to see it as well, but why does it affect me so?  Once in a while someone is genuinely friendly and a lovely, open conversation can occur but mostly people keep to themselves and prefer to avoid human contact.  I miss human contact. 

Yes, I have friends.  My family loves me.  People seem to genuinely be pleased to have me around them.  Yet still, I crave - could be my ego craving, more human interaction and connection in my daily life.  None of us are strangers as we all contain the same universal connection so why do we distance ourselves from each other?  Maybe people don't need interaction as much as I do.  Perhaps it scares others.  Safety means keeping to yourself and not welcoming the unknown - i.e., me, and my rabid dog Bogie, of course.

So, as others will not engage, I must engage with myself more intimately.  The topic of intimacy has come up for me lately.  Not in a sexual way - although leading to that really wouldn't hurt any, but in a spiritual way. If I were to accept myself more, quiet the self destructive and judgmental thoughts, I would be happier.  Living in the moment would be effortless.  Walking through the Endowment Lands I experienced such an opening where suddenly I felt the love of what was, what will be, and all that is happening right now in the world.  I felt connected and very open and in love with my environment and myself.  It was great. But, then life happened again and I left the intimacy behind.  So, in my quest to bring it back I opened Kabbalah month by month, by Melinda Ribner,  and had a look at this month's challenges - the month of Scorpio.  The guidance this book provides me with is truly illuminating and cleansing.

Our true happiness does not come from outside of us.  It is not determined externally or artificially.  It is not true that we need to have personal achievements and possessions to be happy.  This may be the desire of the ego, but it is not that of the soul.  Begin to differentiate between the needs of the ego and those of the soul.  Affirm that you have what you want and are able to receive in your life right now. p. 41.  and  When we blame others, we are weakened, and we are unable to truly move forward.  We need to focus on ourselves, not on others.  Make an effort in this month to assume responsibility for your own life.  Investigate the ways that you sabotage yourself, but be careful not to blame yourself. p. 42.

I swear, it's as if she wrote this just for me.  It is so applicable.  I mean, think about why I write this blog - one, to be famous and two, to make more Vancouverites smile.  Meaning I am looking outside myself, to others, to become happier.  Guess I need validation from others - anyone who crosses my path.  That's something I'll just have to look at. But, I must look at it with love and not judgment, that's the key to healthy growth and the nurturing of true, inward happiness.  The challenge is that I must still emanate happiness but not expect anything in return.  Plus, the whole loving myself thing, unconditionally - yikes. Like I don't have enough on my plate.  Good luck y'all.