Authenticity is what I'm after. That, and self preservation. How does one offer both within this moody world? As far as authentic, I just find it so much more compelling to write (and live) the truth about what it is that I'm processing day to day - and to admit it. Flaws and all, I aim to convey the truth. But, then people witness the flaws and they're out there. Regarding self preservation, I realize that I must protect myself against the emotional reactions that erupt when someone finds a flaw in me, my actions, or my words. Hurt and confused, I often ruminate ad nauseam until I eventually get over it. A testament to the this too shall pass healing solution. Conversely, I am opening myself up and attempting to emotionally remove myself from people's negative reactions to me.
It's a tough one. Wading through the shit I keep on stepping in (so very vidid - yuck!) I am finding it increasingly necessary to get more of a backbone. Strange, cause people would say that I'm tough and in control and all of that. Yet, inside I'm still that twelve year old rocking around in her skin, wondering what the hell she's doing here. I call on my inner Dalai Lama and wish to remain firmly rooted while bending in the wind. Bending but not being overly affected by the wind - as it continues to blow hot and cold and warm and weird. I cannot control the wind but I can control my reaction to it.
In sales you simply have to develop a stronger backbone. Being authentic, I can share myself without giving myself away. Oh blog, how I love you for helping me process this crazy life for all to witness. How's that for authentic? Were you authentic today? So much more interesting, don't ya think?
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