HAPPINESS - UNBRIDLED!

Walking the dog today with crispy snow on the ground I got to feeling a tad guilty for not writing lately.  Consistently doing the work to feel gratitude, to continue to smile without expectation (toughest challenge yet), to manifest an even brighter tomorrow, and to give, give, give.  

Hard to give when you are being yelled at.  In sales, when you don't know everything single thing about what you are selling cause you're new there and the "trainers" don't supply you with all of the worst case scenario situations, you can get yourself in a lot of shit.  Well, the shit's been flying lately and landing on yours truly.  Good thing I shower regularly.

The only benefit to the shit is how tight my stomach muscles are getting from all of the stress.  There's  always a plus.  At some point, when this woman was throwing fire my way, berating me, and all of that - I just confessed the truth to her, told her that I wish I would have been trained sufficiently to have given her the choices she needed to know about, and the outcome of those choices, but that I wasn't.  Telling her that if she thought this was tough on her, it was even tougher on me - and that still, I'm  saving her money.  Eventually she came around, and I decided that from here on in I am going to be the most honest sales person the world has ever seen.   And so it shall be.

Well, now it is a Sunday, and I am not feeling the Sunday blues.  Nor will I.  I simply refuse to. Tomorrow I start a project close to my heart - developing two plays, to be toured, on anti-cyberbullying with high school students.  This feeds my fire - keeps me smiling - gives my life purpose - and can potentially save some lives. 

The sales =  money, This project = spirit.

My wonderful friend from the land o' sunshine sent me this great email - I had to post it cause it pretty much encapsulates what I'm all about.  Enjoy.

 

How are things?

Good. Yeah, good.

Fine. Things are fine.

Let me ask that question again:

How are things?

Fabulous. It all feels like an adventure right now. I have synchronicities piling up everywhere. I’ve got all the money I need, in fact, it’s flowing good n’ steady. My skin is glowing. Most nights we dance in the kitchen. Even sex is better than ever. I giggle everyday. And really, sometimes when I smile at a stranger in the market I can feel my heart swell. In fact, I swear I felt bliss while I was walking home the other day. Yeah. It was bliss.

Happy?

Then say so.

I notice this in my self, I see it in other people: the happiness muffle. We feel the sparkle, really we do. We feel rich with gratitude, we’re keenly aware of a true smile curled in our cells. We tend to live on the light side of things. But we don’t pronounce it. As a new friend just put it, “we butt back the joy because... happiness is a form of power.”

Is that anyway to treat happiness?

Happiness is power. Happiness is carbonated consciousness. It wants to spill out and radiate and be articulated. And every time we downplay our joy we confuse our synapses. Our brain is firing smiley neurons and our mouth is short circuiting them. Repeated happiness muffling numbs our senses. If you keep it under the surface too long, it just might stay there ... a light under a bushel.

So do us all a favour. No matter what the weather, the odds, the circumstances, the company, if you’re happy and you know it, by all means, say so!

Authentic Backbone?

Authenticity is what I'm after.  That, and self preservation.  How does one offer both within this moody world?  As far as authentic, I just find it so much more compelling to write (and live) the truth about what it is that I'm processing day to day - and to admit it.  Flaws and all, I aim to convey the truth.  But, then people witness the flaws and they're out there.  Regarding self preservation, I realize that I must protect myself against the emotional reactions that erupt when someone finds a flaw in me, my actions, or my words.  Hurt and confused, I often ruminate ad nauseam until I eventually get over it. A testament to the this too shall pass healing solution. Conversely, I am opening myself up and attempting to emotionally remove myself from people's negative reactions to me. 

It's a tough one.  Wading through the shit I keep on stepping in (so very vidid - yuck!) I am finding it increasingly necessary to get more of a backbone. Strange, cause people would say that I'm tough and in control and all of that.  Yet, inside I'm still that twelve year old rocking around in her skin, wondering what the hell she's doing here.  I call on my inner Dalai Lama and wish to remain firmly rooted while bending in the wind.  Bending but not being overly affected by the wind - as it continues to blow hot and cold and warm and weird.  I cannot control the wind but I can control my reaction to it. 

In sales you simply have to develop a stronger backbone.  Being authentic, I can share myself without giving myself away.  Oh blog, how I love you for helping me process this crazy life for all to witness.  How's that for authentic?  Were you authentic today?  So much more interesting, don't ya think?

Smile at Yourself - For Reals

I'm still walking the streets of Vancouver noticing what I am noticing.  How come I'm always witnessing the unfriendliness, the averted eyes, the scowls?  Other people claim to see it as well, but why does it affect me so?  Once in a while someone is genuinely friendly and a lovely, open conversation can occur but mostly people keep to themselves and prefer to avoid human contact.  I miss human contact. 

Yes, I have friends.  My family loves me.  People seem to genuinely be pleased to have me around them.  Yet still, I crave - could be my ego craving, more human interaction and connection in my daily life.  None of us are strangers as we all contain the same universal connection so why do we distance ourselves from each other?  Maybe people don't need interaction as much as I do.  Perhaps it scares others.  Safety means keeping to yourself and not welcoming the unknown - i.e., me, and my rabid dog Bogie, of course.

So, as others will not engage, I must engage with myself more intimately.  The topic of intimacy has come up for me lately.  Not in a sexual way - although leading to that really wouldn't hurt any, but in a spiritual way. If I were to accept myself more, quiet the self destructive and judgmental thoughts, I would be happier.  Living in the moment would be effortless.  Walking through the Endowment Lands I experienced such an opening where suddenly I felt the love of what was, what will be, and all that is happening right now in the world.  I felt connected and very open and in love with my environment and myself.  It was great. But, then life happened again and I left the intimacy behind.  So, in my quest to bring it back I opened Kabbalah month by month, by Melinda Ribner,  and had a look at this month's challenges - the month of Scorpio.  The guidance this book provides me with is truly illuminating and cleansing.

Our true happiness does not come from outside of us.  It is not determined externally or artificially.  It is not true that we need to have personal achievements and possessions to be happy.  This may be the desire of the ego, but it is not that of the soul.  Begin to differentiate between the needs of the ego and those of the soul.  Affirm that you have what you want and are able to receive in your life right now. p. 41.  and  When we blame others, we are weakened, and we are unable to truly move forward.  We need to focus on ourselves, not on others.  Make an effort in this month to assume responsibility for your own life.  Investigate the ways that you sabotage yourself, but be careful not to blame yourself. p. 42.

I swear, it's as if she wrote this just for me.  It is so applicable.  I mean, think about why I write this blog - one, to be famous and two, to make more Vancouverites smile.  Meaning I am looking outside myself, to others, to become happier.  Guess I need validation from others - anyone who crosses my path.  That's something I'll just have to look at. But, I must look at it with love and not judgment, that's the key to healthy growth and the nurturing of true, inward happiness.  The challenge is that I must still emanate happiness but not expect anything in return.  Plus, the whole loving myself thing, unconditionally - yikes. Like I don't have enough on my plate.  Good luck y'all.